I know I do my best random, disjointed, fragmented, nonsensical writing when I’m half tanked but I’m basically on the wagon. What’s one to do? Drink wine and love every second of it – eat – practice sloth – gain 900 pounds – write all that wonderful stuff that only matters to me – and then try to be svelte and graceful as I move through my daily life? Why can’t I be 35 for the rest of my life? No excess body fat, no wrinkles or cellulite, no sagging skin, and never believing I would age or have to face that fact that life really is painful. It is.
Poker puts me in a place that makes me look at people. I feel their emotion at times. It isn’t a lot of fun. The good thing about poker is that it allows all age groups to mingle and experience each other’s existence. The sad thing about it is that you watch people age…struggle to hang onto being…one in particular has me feeling extremely empathetic for him as his life disappears and he has no control over any of it. It’s hard to watch the degeneration as he makes the daily journey in on swing shift to take a seat in the $15-30 game.
Yes…I’m melancholy. Perhaps I’m just in a slump because I can’t start my new life yet. I’m hanging in the air; waiting for something to happen so can I make the big switch. It feels like I’m a 1,000 miles into nowhere and I lost the map. I have no forward gear or goal and reverse is totally out of the question..
I’ve managed to spend more time in the player’s seat and taking E/O’s than I should have. To play and play well, one has to have the time and energy/motivation to pay attention and work at the game. Playing on the clock isn’t the proper way to do it – for me anyway. I’ve doinked around in $4-8 when someone came in to play poker with me and really just try to hang onto any chips I can because the game is so unbelievably hard to beat. The $15-30 has shown me that I need to really change a few things in my play and one of them is playing on the clock. The other things I really don’t want to share. I’m going back to dealing. That’s one option I have over people who play for a living…they play through it. I walk away for awhile.
Everything is in a complete mess with my summer plans. The WSOP starts at a different time this year and Bellagio is stressing the fact that we (none of us) are allowed vacation or LOA during June, July, and the first two weeks in August. The WSOP is expanding to a whopping big six weeks. Everyone should be ready for suicide by the time it is over – players and poker room staff in all the rooms in town. And Bellagio’s hosting a tournament that lasts for two weeks – The Bellagio Cup II. It begins on July 24th and ends on August 10th.
And my road map out of nowhere has no beginning or end. Oh drear…what shall I do? Perhaps I need to go back to drinking, life seems much simpler then. Probably not! I think I’ll just request a LOA and see what happens and plant my butt in the dealer’s box until I get hit in the head with a plan.